WOW, can you believe we are entering a new DECADE tomorrow?!
I just looked back at my post from last year, My Year of 23 and What’s in Store for 24? and love being able to look back at my own journey that I wanted to do a similar review for 2019 and set intentions for 2020 while also looking back at my entire DECADE!
In 2009, I had just moved from Pennsylvania to California in the biggest transition of my life up to that point. I was literally BORN in the house I grew up in and had never been on a plane or lived anywhere else.
Moving to California was a huge leap of faith for my family. We lived on an ashram because we couldn’t afford rent anywhere else (and my mom is a spiritual goddess) and I was introduced to the world of yoga and spirituality.
I finished all of high school (graduating with a 4.3 GPA) and college in California (living in the OC which was the place of my dreams, especially for this Pennsylvania bred girl) and went from teen to adult. I lost my virginity and explored my sexual freedom. I lived summers in New York City. I traveled to Israel, Italy, Germany, Austria, Mexico, Scotland, England, Ireland, Portugal, France, India, Indonesia, and Thailand. I graduated college debt-free and landed my dream job working at a theater on the sea. I experienced heartache and break with my first love, my best friend from high school. I entered and ended a three year relationship that taught me so much. I met the man who I truly believe is my life partner.
The lessons I’ve been learning over the past decade feel like they culminated over this past year and I’ve slowly been shedding the layers of everything that’s held me back in the past and stepping into this new, open, expansive version of myself.
I truly learned so many beautiful lessons (which you can read about here) and really did the inner work of TRUSTING MY GUT, quieting the external voices and learning how to listen to my own, and take the leap into the unknown even when I was terrified.
Here’s a review of my year!
January: Started the year by attending Susan Blackwell’s Creativity workshop and realized that successful artists don’t NOT feel fear. They feel the fear and do it anyways. Started charting my menstrual cycle and getting in touch with my divine feminine. Went to Boston with my childhood friend.
February: Started taking Eric Maisel’s Creativity Coaching course, which was an 8 week email-based course. Reading more and more about creativity coaching and learning about this new business I wanted to pursue. Started coaching people for free via e-mail. Took a solo trip to LONDON and Paris, which I had planned to be my “artists retreat” and got mad at myself for not “getting as much work done” as I wanted to, but actually just saw a lot of theater, ate a lot of good food, and re-connected to myself.
March: Took the biggest financial step of my LIFE and purchased Marie Forleo’s B-School as a big leap into being an online business owner. Started taking guitar lessons which was one of my 2019 goals and realized that I do SO well when taking a class and am guided by a teacher. I can get hard on myself for not being “disciplined” enough, but all it takes is investing in classes and then I can learn the skills I want to learn. I got so into “filling every minute with productivity” this month and thought that as long as I worked hard, I would be able to achieve my goals.
April: PERFORMED MY ONE WOMAN SHOW IN NEW YORK CITY. Seriously, like wow, I did that. I’m so proud of myself. I felt all the self-limiting beliefs, I stressed a lot about it, but then I just did it, even though on the day I felt like I wanted to PUKE ALL DAY LONG, but I got so much affirmation and confirmation from the universe that I am on the right path. DO THE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU, THEY’RE WORTH IT. Celebrated my one year anniversary with my love in Block Island. STARTED MY CREATIVITY INSTAGRAM for my business which I was terrified about. I remember making it and then feeling sick to my stomach because I didn’t have a social media plan or didn’t know how to curate posts and didn’t want anybody I know to follow it, and just wanted to delete it right away, but I just sat with the uncomfortable feelings and slowly, little by little, it got less uncomfortable. Amazing to see how I’ve grown, because now a lot of people I know follow it, and I’ve learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable and share my journey!
May: Went on a week long vacation to Hawaii, the land of my DREAMS with my mother, sister, and nephew. A life long manifestation come true. Learned more about the power of abundance but didn’t feel worthy of abundance. Did a past life regression which was awesome!
June: Went to California to celebrate my brother graduating from UCLA! Started second #oneillsummer and realized that partying and going to the pub at night was not fulfilling to me. Learned how to say no. Learned how to put myself and my priorities and my health first. Most of this year, my boyfriend and I would wake up at 5 am to go to the gym and then go to work. I was doing this consistently in the summer too, which was interesting because the previous summer I had given up completely on working out/eating healthy which led to me gaining 20 pounds.
July: Read stage directions for Jeannette at the O’Neill and realized I love and THRIVE being in the rehearsal room. Had a weird moment where I had a panic attack while watching a show at the O’Neill. Felt really angry all the time. But also, organized and produced a 10 minute reading festival. Did another reading of my solo show. Didn’t have a creative project to work on, so started creating a creativity COURSE, just for fun.
August: Performed at every single open mic during the Cabaret Conference. Felt really burnt out by the O’Neill. Felt really scared about taking my next step. Constantly worried and wondered if I was making the right choice. Cried a lot. COACHED MY FIRST PAYING CLIENT, which when I signed him wanted to immediately run away and hide. Felt so unworthy and didn’t know what I was doing. Hosted the 30 Day Creativity Challenge which you can check out here!
September: Put in my four week notice to my job, the home I cultivated for the past two years and where my love lives. Questioned myself a lot. Really had to learn how to just trust by leaping into the unknown.
October: Quit my job and left my HOME and flew to INDIA to do a yoga teacher training course. Felt right at home in India. Felt like I was at Hogwarts. Met so many beautiful souls from all over the world. Thrived in the “school” atmosphere. Learned so many things about spirituality. Wrote a lot. Discovered Osho. Learned how to not let external factors affect your internal experience, aka STAY IN YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE. Taught yoga and learned to trust in my GIFTS.
November: Traveled to BALI for the first time on the start of my solo trip. Had to face my shadow side there and really face MYSELF and being alone. Felt really unproductive and worthless from having nothing to do. Didn’t know what to do with myself in paradise. Started to learn how to tap into the frequency of pleasure. Learned that I didn’t need to place so many shoulds on myself and was allowed to just relax into the flow and trust. Learned how to SURF. Learned what it really means to be a mermaid and felt so connected to my divine feminine and the ocean. Went to lots of yoga and womens circles and truly connected with the spirituality I had been dreaming of for a long time (and spoiler alert, it’s on the inside, not on the outside). Traveled to the Gili islands. Started my Women of the World project. Gave myself permission to BE. Gave myself so much permission to be exactly who I am, as I am.
December: Traveled to THAILAND and went from Phuket to Koh Phi Phi, to Krabi to Koh Lipe to Bangkok. Made money in my sleep. Realized that I truly AM living the dream life and it’s not about where you travel, its about how you ARE. Spent a few days in the island paradise of Koh Lipe and with the help of plant medicine, had so many downloads about the culmination of this solo trip and my experiences. Learned how to FORGIVE MYSELF, which has been a game changer. Really learned that everyone else is just a mirror. Traveled back to America anddd the rest you’ll read about here 🙂
I truly learned how to INVEST in myself this year. I learned how I’m worthy of everything I desire. And so are you.
Now, how am I feeling alive at 25?
- live in New York City and have my own creative refuge/haven where I can write and feel sensual and abundant and feel ALIGNED WITH MY DHARMA ❤
- teach yoga
- teach my creativity/yoga workshops around the city
- act in staged readings and plays/musicals in the city
- see a lot of good theater
- host women’s circles
- be mentored by an incredible business coach
- continue to build my coaching business and coach 5 divine clients per month
- Travel to ITALY and GREECE summer 2020 baby
- Travel to Australia fall 2020 with Pax
- Collab with incredible, inspiring, creative, bad ass women
- Speak on different podcasts and/or live events
- Attend a plant medicine ceremony
- Host online workshops/retreats/courses to a thriving community of creatives
- Write an e-book
- Publish 2nd poetry book
- Finish Women of the World Project
- Thrive off the energy of NYC
While I’ve set these intentions, I’m also feeling like I just want to allow space for letting whatever happens, happen. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past decade, it’s that the universe is ALWAYS letting everything work out best case scenario, and has a way bigger and better plan for us than we could ever even imagine.
As I enter this next big transition in my life, I’m allowing just whatever needs to come through to come through. I’m trusting where I’m being guided even when it doesn’t make sense and I don’t have everything figured out.
I am feeling open to the expansiveness of the year. I’m feeling excited for the energy I’ve learned to harness and cultivate. I’m feeling so available to all the pleasure and love and creativity and good vibes from the universe AND I’m feeling blessed for my health & my wealth & my loved ones.
I’m truly the luckiest girl in the world 🙂
Thank you, universe. Thank you for always showing me how it gets better.
Let’s do this, roaring TWENTIES.
Mermaid Musings 